micki portrait May Micki Message


Treasuring the company of Godson's new piscean son in April (photo: Edward).

  Taking communion this afternoon, May 23, in our house (photo: Blake).


  May 23, 1999

For the past few decades, my journey has included the effort to embrace the paradoxes of life-- the both/ands rather than the either/ors. I remember an early teacher's response to the question "Do you believe in free will or predestination?" She replied, "Yes. Yes." Like my teacher, I believe that my life and death are in God's hands and at some level, I believe I have some free will in terms of how I respond. And if asked if I am scared of what lies ahead or if I totally trust the everlasting arms of God, I have to say "Yes. Yes." That I am scared of what lies ahead and I trust the everlasting arms of God.

I learned recently from a gifted counselor that my healing needs to take place more at the soul-ular level than at the cellular level. What that awareness led to was understanding the destructive nature of fear and the importance of letting go of fear, moving instead toward love, its opposite. Our society tends to fear the ultimate loss of control, giving up to death. I cling to the belief that even after I die, I will be able to touch my family with my love for them. In Brian Wren's glorious new hymn "Bring Many Names," he speaks of death as "joyful darkness" --an image I appreciate, one that suggests to me happy unknown reunions.

In the meantime, I know that what happens to me is in God's hands. A helpful reminder came from a friend: "If you think you're in control, no wonder you're scared." I think I can consciously give up my fear to God and I can be conscientious about getting adequate rest and nutrition, lots of laughter, singing with family, and time with loved ones (see Erik's May update). As my fear decreases, inner peace increases, and so, I pray, does the soulular healing.

With continued appreciation for your prayers and thoughts which assist with all levels of healing,


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