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September 1999

Dear Micki, Erik, Jodi and Blake,

Thinking about you all so often and just pulled some update pieces to send to Vicki who's on retreat and so wanted to send you love. So many ask about you here, people you knew as your lives and theirs crossed those years in Blue Hill. Just a passing "How's Micki doing?"

The new pictures of you are startling for the joy and beauty they bring, even in their electronic missing of the real you. Thanks for including them. They made my day.

I send you love, walking as best we can this path we find ourselves challenged to be on. Do you know this William Stafford poem -- A Ritual to Read to Each Other. I think of you like the elephants here, willing to hold on, tell the truth, and know one another in an ever widening circle so that there is more light for everyone.

A Ritual to Read to Each Other

"If you don't know the kind of person I am
and I don't know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.

"For there is many a small betrayal in the mind,
a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break
sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood
storming out to play through the broken dyke.

"And as elephants parade holding each elephant's tail,
but if one wanders the circus won't find the park,
I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty
to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.

"And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy,
a remote important region in all who talk:
though we could fool each other, we should consider -
lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.

"For it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep;
the signals we give - yes or no, or maybe -
should be clear: the darkness around us is deep."

Thanks for that. I send love.

Howie

"Deep peace of the running streams to you;
Deep peace of the shining stars to you;

Dear Micki,
I am a novice at email and other web-like connections - so this may be a continuation of a prayer I began sending you a few moments ago. Or it may not be.
In any case, receive this blessing:
Deep peace of the running streams to you,
\Deep peace of the shining stars to you,
Deep peace be yours as you are held in
surprising and strong embrace of Christ.
We pray for you weekly at United - and George sings for you as well! the web page is a wonder. May the encore go on and on.
In peace, with hope,
Louise Higginbotham
United Church on the Green, New Haven

Sweet Friend Micki, Dear Erik, Jody and Blake...
I have sent many messages via your aol.com address in the past several months and have just realized that they have not been delivered. Being the tecky no-nothing that I am, it took me awhile (and having Noel here to explain) to figure out that they weren't going through.
I say this so you will know that you have all, but especially you, Micki, been in my heart, in my thoughts and in my prayers every day.
Micki, something you said, a recipe you gave me, a song, your laugh, your friendship, will just pop into my mind and make me smile. I walk around these Northfield campuses with you, knowing how often you were here and how much you loved it. Funny, isnt it, that we never came with you and that I am here now? Maybe I am meant to carry you and your ministry with me on these grounds and in these dorms and in the chapels. I like that thought. You and me together.
I loved reading Connie's message...sensing you all roaming around...maybe even on the same walkways that I walk....It brings you close. It makes me miss you.It makes me realize how much I love you and value your wisdom.
And Micki...Jody and Blake...I want to say, as I wait for our first grandchild (due date TOMORROW, Oct 4th) that my arms would love to hold an Esselstyn grandchild in Micki's stead. I will promise to sing, if not with Micki's beauty of voice, certainly with all my love, to them and spoil them as a grandmother should. By the time you have children, Jody and Blake, I will be well trained and well equiped....bring 'em on!
Dear Micki. You are in me; your wise friendship guides me and I send you all my love. Thank you sweet friend, for all that you have given me.
I am here if I can ever be of any service to any of you.
Love to all
Betty

I just called to say I love you.
Bernie Siegel

Dear Micki - When I reported for jury duty in a Manhattan courtroom yesterday, I met a young man with your father's name and a familiar-looking Bingham face. I quickly discovered that he is your brother's son, and he told me about you. It has been almost four decades since we knew each other in Chapin House, where I was a year ahead of you, but I remember you very well and wanted to say hello.
I have looked over your website and think it must be wonderful to have so many caring friends and acquaintances. Your family looks lovely in the photos also, and I am sure that you get great comfort and pleasure from them. I hope you will be pleased and surprised to receive this message from a friend from a long time ago. God bless you. Jackie Manney Warren.

Dear Jody and family,
Lynne Schilling told me of your website, and as I read over all of the beautiful updates, I am moved by your deep love and resourcefulness as a family. I think your father said it best in one of his messages: to have "...fashioned a masterpiece of the situation we have been given." You truly inspire me in your grief journeys. For the "francophones" among you....Je vous souhaite bon courage, une paix profonde, et l'amour de Dieu aux moments les plus difficiles de votre trajet.
Beth

Micki Sister Beloved,

Today as I sat on my rock, you were with me. You asked me once how I nurtured my spiritual self and whispered somewhat wickedly, "You do know that the Holy Spirit is Mother God, don't you?"

I can feel us held so very tenderly in that luscious motherly lap, so very colse and safe.

I am loving you. Will you give Erik a wink for me?

Judy Judith Brown

Micki Sister Beloved,

Today as I sat on my rock, you were with me. You asked me once how I nurtured my spiritual self and whispered somewhat wickedly, "You do know that the Holy Spirit is Mother God, don't you?"

I can feel us held so very tenderly in that luscious motherly lap, so very colse and safe.

I am loving you. Will you give Erik a wink for me?

Judy Judith Brown

Hi Micki, Erik, Jodi and Blake,

Just finished reading the latest update and marveling at the bright-eyed Micki in the photos - amazing what a lot of spirit and a little morphine can do!

Fall has always been my favorite season, and this fall has been exceptional here in Maine. The leaves are just beginning to peak - vibrant, translucent colors in the sparkling sun. The view from Blue Hill Mountain is so beautiful and clear, we can see almost all the way to Gainesville. I bet you can almost see Blue Hill on a clear day yourselves. "God gave us memories so that we might have roses in December."

Our thoughts and love we send to nourish you all on your family journey. a journey that we know will be ours someday, too.

Hug each other every day.

Love, Sandy and Phil

Micki,Erik and family......How often we think of you and thank you for sharing your reality with us. Having just returned from the glory of the fall foliage in southern Vermont we find that it is easy to allow ourselves to think that we live in a special place at a special time. We think also of those like yourselves who have challenges beyond our imagining and yet seem to meet those challenges with faith and enthusiasm testifying to the incredible truth and joy of your lives which we have had the opportunity to share with you..Yes, we think of you often and send you our love. Ray and Susan.

Dear Pastor Micki and Family,

I am not sure you (Micki) will remeber us, you married us at the Union Congregational Church in Tavares. That was on August 9th 1997. I remember we were not members of the church but choose it and you because of our ( myself and Michael) very differnt religous backgrounds. We came to you and told you that we wanted to be married and asked you if you would marry us, you had no problem with that but you were very insistant and Pre-Marital councling. We spent about 3 months seeing you on a weekly basis and we enjoyed every second of it. You helped us learn so much about each other and out faith in God. One of the highlights of our ceremony was you singing "The Wedding Song", I had chillbumps the whole time. I remember walking down the aisle and seeing you there with my wedding party and my soon to be husband, you had such a peaceful and calm tone and expresion, all the jitters went away at that moment. During the ceremony you were absoultly beaming. It was as if you were a ray of sun. After the ceremony EVERYONE came to us and said how wonderful you were and how you made the ceremony so beautiful. I never really got the chance to thank you for that. I was truly a blessing to have you marry us. We have now become active members at UCC and we think of you and that day every time we enter the sanctuary. We also now have a 15 month old son, Zachary Michael. I grew up in a very strict Catholic family, and thanks to you and UCC I have found my faith in the lord again and enjoy being a part of a church family. Thank you so much for all you did for us, as I said before, every time we enter that church we think of you. Our best thougths and prayers our with you. Good things happen to good people, and I have faith they will happen to you.

Lots of love and blessings,

Shannon, Mike and Zachary Smith
Eustis, FL

Tappy Wilder called me last evening (October 17th). Our prayers and thoughts are with you. Many memories of Duke's Men rehearsals at the Bingham compound.
with love and best wishes,
David

Dearest Jody, Erik, Micki, and Blake- As I put Ethan down for bed tonight, Micki's smile flashed into my mind. I don't know why it happened then, but I have been filled with thoughts of "Mother" ever since. The more I know about Micki, the more I feel she embraces all that it means to be and know "mother". Nurturer, parent, comforter, singer, giver of peace, lover of Earth, minister, feminist, wife, patient acceptor of abrupt change of plan... you have given us your treasure. May we all be even a fraction of the mother you have been, and may you find peace peace peace in that which lies ahead. Love to you all, Ali Hobart

Wonderful Micki,

Being the ultimate e-mail neophyte, I think I am getting guest book and e-mail messages confused (I sent you the latter yesterday.)
In any event, I have no classes this morning and have thus have been spending some time with you on your website, a profound experience of inspiraton, courage and love. How I wish you and Beloved Cameron had known each other (Did you ever see him in New Haven when we were visiting Mum and he was a little boy?) You share many of the same extraordinary qualities and have given immeasurable and lovely things to all of us.
All my Micki remembrances are treasures from you, so lovely of heart.
I am thinking of you,
With love, Morgan

Micki and family,
I met Micki last year while she was the interim pastor at St. Andrews Presbyterian Church. I was struck by her wonderful sense of humor, her intelligence, her diverse experiences, her interesting stories and her positive attitude about life. I am even more impressed with Micki as I read her updates on this website.
Micki, thank you for sharing your heart with the world, you have brought healing to those you touch. Being able to share openly and honestly about yourself, your fears and pain has taught others a very helpful lesson - to love and accept ourselves enough to share honestly who we are. Thank you Micki.

Mickie, I have never met you, but through Jody have felt tremendous respect and admiration for you. I just had to comment on the web site. It is a true reflection of you and your family and really how blessed you are. Seems funny to say that you are blessed, but I believe that you are, and, who knows whats ahead.

Dear Micki & Eric: I only learned of the recent forces in your lives this week. Life is so amazing...At this moment, I just wanted you to know you are in our thoughts and prayers with deep gratitude for all that you have shared with us and with others. You are extraordinary human beings blessed, yes blessed, with light, love and living. My heart is fuller with you. My love to you and your wonderful children. --Susan Mendelsohn

Dear Friends, I'm sitting at Vicki's computer . Sat Oct 23 It's raining buckets amidst the golden leaves . Howard just gave me a delicious cup of honey and ginger tea while visiting your web site. Thank you, Blake. Much love to you all, Karen (Frangoulis) PS Thanks for your note,Erik.

My daughter's name is Micki and I came across your site by chance. I have been sitting here reading all of the entries with tears streaming down my face. What an impact your Micki has made and is making on so many lives. You are blessed to have such a wonderful family and network of loving friends and relatives. Thank you for sharing your joys and your pain. God Bless Micki and your family. Sing on.

Dear Micki,

I've been thinking about you particularly this week because somewhere in here was your 57th birthday. Mine was in September, and I'm mindful of the fact that (I believe this is right) a welcoming telegram was sent from (1-month-old) me to you back in war-torn October 1942.

And now here you are, the focus of so much love and mindfulness, surrounded by children who can set up Web sites and be with you with humor and grace, by Erik, so many years your loving quest partner and mate, by Sherry, dear Sherry -- I loved Connie's description of Sherry's typically self-effacing and loving ministry (that's what it is), by friends.

I send you much love and mindfulness. I send love to Erik the caregiver, and to Blake and Jody too -- I don't think I've actually laid eyes on them since they were babies.

And, Micki, to you -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

With love from Cambridge,

Penny

Dear Micki,
You don't know me, but I am Jody's classmate at Yale. I want to thank you and your family for sharing your profound journey in such a loving and courageous manner. I am in awe of your website and it is quite humbling to witness your family's stregnth and love.
Likewise, thank you for Jody. I am blessed to have Jody as a classmate. What a gift you have given us! She is a joy and you must be very proud.
My prayers and thoughts are with you,
Dawn Hubbard

Dearest you two angels,

I am so deeply touched by your loving relationship and all that you make possible for one another. My husband and I are in almost an identiclle situation. I have Systemic Lupus and have been fighting since I was 17. I am now 37. I met Jim April 19, 1988 and we marriied April 19, 1991!! He has been by my side for so many years and through it all I am blessed to have this man. He is my everything, my world, love, caregiver, message taker, food preparer, medicine giver, oh lord, what else could I say. I feel as if I am now a part of your lives and I deeply care for both of you and please know that I am crying uncontrolably. Almost everything that i read is Jim and me! I cherish hearing about you and will read and search for information every day from this day forward!! Please do not hesitate to e-mail me. Jim and I are good friends of Jim and Anne Spivey. I couldn't even begin to tell you what they mean to us. Jim and I have had many beautiful and moving conversations. He has been at my bedside when we thought I was going to lose my fight and held my hand and said he would stay to the end. Well,since then, I have had two total hip replacements. I am very sorry to say that I am in rejection of my right hip. I just left the hospital after having an Arthogram and bone/tissue aspiration (spelling?). I continue to fight, love, and give all that i can to that wonderful man of mine. Please know that my heart is connected to both of your"s. With love, respect and deep caring,


Love Donna

Dear Micki, Erik Jody and Blake,

I've been thinking of you all and just wanted to send my continuing love and hugs to you all. Jody and Blake, I have been deeply moved by your open-ness and poignant sharing. Your willingness to share this experience so clearly and beautifully has allowed us to share in some, often very tender way, your journey through this incredible challenge. YOur honesty has helped me at times look inside to wonder just how I would handle what you are facing each day. Wish I could be there to give you all hugs in person. I love you all. Betsy

Thank God for Micki & Thank God she is in a better place; she deserves it! Although we only knew her briefly, she epitomized a Saint. May we all strive to be a little more like her & meet her one day singing in God's Heavenly Choir.

Please accept our love for the entire family in this most difficult time. We greive with you over the loss and celebrate with you over the eternal victory. God bless.

You have my deepest sympathy
I am terribly sorry for your loss of a loved one
My thoughts and prayers are with you

With love and Thankvulness for Mickis wonderful life and for the joy that she brought to all of us who knew and loved her.

My deepest sympathy. I had hoped not to have to write those words, but I'm also sure that Micki is now in a better place. She was clearly a very special person who's memory will be forever close to the hearts of everyone who knew her.

From a world of flesh to a world of Spirit, but a tiny step for Micki... who will never be gone from those she touched, those she loved. To be able to say, "I knew Micki", now there's a blessing.

I send compassion and love to all who have gathered. May her courage be with you all.

Barry

What a gift you all and Micki have given countless people! Our hearts go out to you as you mourn her death and celebrate her life. Micki and I were classmates at Smith and then again briefly in one class together at Yale Divinity School in the fall of 1992. We have been praying for her at Christ Church, Winnetka for months and will remember her again on Sunday and on All Saints' Day. Our rector, Ned Prevost and his wife Bev, (Sherry and Dick Downes' friends) are on sabbatical in Italy and I know would send their love and prayers too. There are so many circles of love and connection. Thank you for your incredibly open and inspirational sharing of your journey together these past months. May God bless and comfort you all, Betsy Fowle

I sit here and tears stream down my face. Not for Micki, but for you her family. She is truly with the Lord, and will still guide you from above. She must have been a wonderful woman, and you, her family are also wonderful. To read all that you all have learned from her and passed on to us is truly a blessing. I was so sad to see that the end had come, but just to let you know that Micki has also helped me in the realization that my Dad will someday--maybe soon--be joining her with the Lord. I am an only child and only wish you all were my brothers and sisters. My Dad lives in Orlando, and I went home to see him recently to say good bye. He won't let me or my boys be there with him and Mom, but I know when he passes he'll be met by your Micki, and she'll lead him for me. My prayers have always been with you, and they are again tonight.

I never knew you, but each time I hear music, see the beauty of the Earth, or laugh your ministry continues. I am sure you are at rest and guiding us still.

My very dear Erik, Jodie and Blake - My heart goes out to all of you at this time - I feel for you so...It is *so* hard to lose a loved one before their time should come..how well I know that... I do wish I could come to the New Haven memorial service, but alas, I just can't. PLEASE know that you are all in my thoughts...and will be for a long time to come...

I'm sending you lots of love, light, laughter...for I know Micki would want you to have a ton of all three...

*Much love*,

Daphne

MY heart is heavy, but I know Micki's is not. I'm thinking of you all, and will see you Tuesday to celebrate a very special life.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all. What a glorious picture for the site today...Micki looks just like Jody. Lynne Schilling

My family, my mother and I all send our love and condolences.

Through your sharing of your and Micki's struggle of the past year, you have enriched the lives of all who have "tuned in." It is typical of Micki and your family that you would do this, and it is a most creative use of a new technology - a perfect example of how this technology can make things more personal, not more impersonal.

I will be with you in spirit on November 6th. We send our love to all the Esselstyns and Binghams.

Toby

This is such a loss!

Dear Erik, Jody, and Blake,
An angel on earth is now an angel in heaven.
We are blessed that Micki will always be with us.
Thank you for sharing her life and her courage with
all of us. You gave her a blissful passing and taught
us all what family strength is. Alec and I send our love.
Drika

Dear all,
What I have learned from each of you as I shared in the joys and sorrows of Micki's journey are inexpressible. My heartfelt thanks for the lessons of love, commitment, hope, and unshakeable faith. I pray that I can gracefully pass on this legacy which I will always think of as "Micki gifts." Everlasting peace be with her and, of course, all those who love her. Jody, I especially reach out to you in your sorrow.

Dear Jody, Blake and Erik,

Jane Esselstyn called us yesterday to tell us your heartbreaking news. We want you to know you are continually in our daily thoughts and prayers, and that we will be forever inspired by your family's process of sharing your journey with Micki.

We want you to know that your journey with Micki will never end. Be aware of and watch for -- daily -- the signs of Micki's presence. We are regularly "tapped on the shoulder" by Wendy. It never ceases to amaze, hearten, and cheer me, when I feel Wendy with me.

The fact is that you have not lost Micki. You cannot give her a hug, but she remains with you every moment -- and she will let you know it, when you least expect it! I regularly thank God for Wendy -- for her life and for her presence.

Thank you for your emails and website -- for you updates and for you pictures. They have kept you close -- and have answered our questions about you and Micki.


God Bless each one of you,
Marge Moore

Dearest Micki,

Your time here on earth has been but an interim.
May God's shower of abundance rain on you forever.

With love and in thanksgiving for you and for knowing you, which, though but briefly, has been like morning dew.

Sarah Buxton-Smith

Dear Jody and family,
My heartfelt sympathy to all of you at this most difficult time. You have given a great gift to your mother in the beautiful way you shared the past several months with her. What a way to honor her in her life, and I have no doubt you will continue to make her proud as she watches you from her place of heavenly comfort. Thank you for the many ways you have inspired me to courageously face grief in all of its pain and beauty. My prayers are offered to you all.
Fondly, Beth Reilly

Dear Eric, Jody and Blake,
How blessed I have been to have Micki as a cousin and you to share so much of her and of yourselves during this ongoing odyssey. It is ongoing, because now you adjust to life with the unseen Micki. No longer is care for her visible presence your first priority. I'm sure she is there stronger than ever to help each of you with your priorities now!
How lucky I feel, too, that we just yesterday hooked up a computer that has allowed me to read all your moving messages over this year. Thank you so much!
Last Saturday I sang for a Bishop's ordination in the "American Catholic Church." When I asked if the Bishop, Robert Brewster Board, was a descendant of Elder Brewster, he said yes, and a tenor who had sung with me asked if I was related to the New Haven relatives of the Brewsters. He turned out to be Blake's close friend, Marc Ruben. We both exclaimed on what a marvelous and gracefilled young man you are, Blake! I couldn't help feeling Micki was somehow engineering this amazing coincidence, because I knew she was close to death and her spirit seemed to be right there with us. When we had sung the Mozart "Ave Verum" during the service, her voice was so clear in my memory, from when she sang in my ear at "The Camp" the first time I sang that piece, when Uncle Henry taught it to all of us, that it honestly felt as if she were there singing and smiling with me!
Micki is the reason I chose Smith College--she showed me around in her vibrantly joyful spirit and there was no comparison to any other college tour! She is also the reason I learned about the "birds and the bees" at a very young age, because she told Cecilia on a Camp sleepover, and of course Cecilia had to share the news with me, sending me in a complete state of shock to my Mom who confirmed the tale but much more romantically, setting me up for a great attitude toward that mystery of life!
I am so grateful, and so is Cecilia, that we had a chance to see her once more on that visit to Connecticut. As always, she was so focused on and loving toward each person with whom she spoke. I am so grateful to all of you who made that trip possible.
I plan to be there on November 7. My heart is mourning with you, yet my soul rejoices for her. It's as she said, the dicotomy of life. Thank you more than I can say for the grace and generosity of spirit with which you all have handled this journey. Godspeed on the rest of it to all of you! Much love, Abbie

Erik, Blake, Jody,
May your hearts be broken - - - - open.
Thinking of you and humming Eagle's Wings
Alan

Eric
Please just know my thoughts and prayers are with all of you- I am sitting here reliving Micki memories from Norton Road and laughing and crying- I do hope Fred andI can see you in the future- I am so glad to have shared ssome of Micki's indredible jjoy through this journey - I know she is at rest and I hope you will be able to rest now,too. My best love -
Sandy Bright

Dear Jody and Family,
Please know that the entire community of the Yale School of Nursing holds you in their thoughts. Micki, though unknown to us, was obviously an extraordinary woman, surrounded by an equally extratordinary family. As a caring community, we send our love now and will look forward to welcoming you, Jody, when you return to us.
Catherine Gilliss
Dean, Yale School of Nursing

Dear Eric, Blake, Jody, and all of Micki's wonderful family,

I called Diane, yesterday, to ask her about Micki: was she still "with us?" She told me that Micki had passed at 6:15 A.M.

This was the exact moment I had awakened in the morning! I know that she is still with us, just by that startling moment: that moment when someone is transformed into another kind of energy.

It was such a joy to see Micki at the end of her final "renaissance," as Eric called it. We enjoyed a silly moment when she was describing how she could see animals from her window as she lay in bed. She told, laughingly, how she tried to explain to someone that there were "pigs in the trees!" I said, "tree pigs!" And she laughed, and repeated "tree pigs! How, funny!" I told her I would look them up on the internet that very night and see if there was such a thing, and let her know. It was a typical Micki moment: a bright, incandescent joy over the nonsensical. And yet, this precious, silly moment, is emblematic of Micki's gift to all of us who know and love her. The Light of God's love comes in through the door of laughter.

As I left her, I took her hand and thanked her for everything she had done to help me; for all the good things which had followed her insights. I told her I loved her so much. Her face was upturned with the steady, alert look of someone who can separate the sincere from the artificial. She replied, "I love you, too."

Micki, as always, gave all credit to God for every good thing she elicited from her parishoners or friends whom she had helped in their troubles. She was, IS, truly God's vehicle for bringing the radience of his love for all of us.

Thank you, June, for giving birth to this wonderful woman; thank you, Eric, for loving her to perfection: her beautiful, caring children; thank you God for her spirit!

Love,
Margaret Koscielny

Jody and family, my deepest sympathy to all of you at this sad, sad time. May our Lord keep you in his care and gently guide you through the next days, weeks, months, and the years ahead. This morning I'm remembering Jody last Easter morning in New Haven when we walked to church and worshipped together. I know that you have wonderful memories of your mother Micki and may those memories always be a comfort to you whether it is at dawn's earliest light or evening's fading shadows. You are in my prayers.....with love,

Nancy (Robyn's mom in Oregon)

"Jesus, give the weary/
calm and sweet repose;/
With thy tenderest blessings/
may our eyelids close."

With love and continual prayers-

Mike

Dear Erik, Blake, and Jody,

We are so sorry to read of Micki's death. We're
glad she isn't sufferning but so sorry she's gone.
We want you to know that our hearts are with you in
these hard days.

With much love,
Lola and Gerald

Dear Erik, Blake, Jody and Family-

My thoughts and prayers are with you
today and always.

Love
farol

Erik, Blake and Jody -

Memories of Micki - Macaroon to me - are flooding through my mind as I sit here remembering good years in Riverdale (Rivieradale), Micki and Erik singing when I was married in 1976 (unfortunately being the highlight of a first try followed by btter luck), and of too many times of thinking I'd get to Gainesville or somewhere else you all were but not doing it.

Micki was a wonderful friend, possitve when there seemed no adequate eason to be, warm, always funny and delightful to be with. I am remebering a ot now, with tears broken by an occasional smile as Iremeber one of the good times or funny things that happened.

I remember seeing her from weekends sitting around her parents house in Riverdale (where my father stopped for a visit with June one day and commented that he saw me more there than at home), in Manhattan at her debut, for serious ducssion of civil rights, in shock when JFK was killed. ..

My love to eaach of you

I am trying to rearrange things and get to New Haven\

Love

Gordon (Hydrox)

Dear Erik, Blake and Jody,
I am so thankful to God for Micki and the priviledge to be a part of your family. Micki gave me my assignments and I will honor them with my whole heart. She taught me to laugh at myself while remembering and embracing my humanity. She will always be with you as she will be with me, that's the way God works. We had a memorial service for her last night as our church shares your pain and sorrow. Please find comfort in knowing how much you are loved. This word from the prophet Habakkuk has been a blessing to me.
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior." Habakkuk 3:17-18
I will see you on Tuesday evening and will continue to pray for your strength in the LORD. I love you very much.

Micki was a true inspiration to me in so many ways. I will continue to miss her being with our groups. My, and the Holly Hill Church's prayers are with you all. May God's Spirit and our prayers and thoughts continue to uplift you. Blessings, Ruth

Dear Rev. Esselstyn:

We all loved you but God loved you more.

Dear Erik, Blake and Jodi,
I am so very saddened by the news that Micki passed away yesterday. She had such a strong smile up until the very
end - that smile that was one of her trademarks. She was
such a very good friend and help to me in so many ways.

Thank you so much for keeping the "Micki world" so well informed during her illness with your writings and photos.
It was most helpful as she was on my mind and in my prayers
all the time.

Now my prayers turn to the three of you as you adapt to the
reality of her passing. I shall keep you in my mind and energy during the two memorial services on November 2 and 6, neither of which I will be able to attend. I suspect
Micki will be singing along with you at both services.

Keep well. Please keep my address and phone around. I would
love to have you visit if you are on the West Coast at any
point, or perhaps we can connect in the summer in CT (my son Barrack is being married in Sachems Head, Guilford, CT
on Sept.9,2000). I love you all, Lynne A.

Dear Erik, Blake, Jody,

I was devastated to learn last night that the end had finally come for Micki (or is it a new beginning?)

It has been an inspiration to follow Micki's news over this web site over the past months. It has been so uplifting to learn about how all of you and all of your wonderful friends have been dealing with this evolving tragedy. You have all touched so many people in so many important ways!

The Internet is a fantasic new communications medium of the late 20th century which is used in an incredible variety of ways, but surely this site represents the ultimate of what is good about the Internet. Thank you Blake, and to all others who have contributed.

I was so happy to have had a last chance to see Micki, albeit briefly, in Salem last summer. She just exuded spirituality and inner strength even as her physical strength was diminishing. I felt warm and strong just being in her presence and the glow from her eyes and face could have melted ice bergs.

It was also clear seeing some of the rest of the family last summer that much of this inner strength has rubbed off on all of you. I felt a sense of peace and strength around you all.

We will all miss Micki!

Love, Doug

Dear Jody and family,
I have just come in from a walk in the dusky autumn light, inspired at the beauty in the season passing, and I was thinking of you and your mom ... I can STILL hear the singing at your wedding! I was so sorry to come inside to my desk to read that your mom has died (...is singing from somewhere else).
I did not know your mom, but from knowing you (and from your family's open sharing here) I believe I have felt her radiant inner beauty ..and peace ..and love ...and I will remember her singing and smiling.

I'm sending this to you and your family with much love, gratitude, sympathy, strength, and, of course, lots of singing ...

xoxoMarisa

My name is Anne Scippio, and I read the article in regards to Minister Micki on today Oct 28th. I just wanted to send my condolences to your family. I signed on to your site and was very impressed how you all cherished your wife, mother, pastor etc. She seemed to be a jewel and I know that you all treasured her and you are going to miss her. This e-mail is just to encourage you all to be strong and remember that she is in a better place. Please also know that weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Your Sister In Christ,
Anne Marie Scippio

What a wonderful life! What a wonderful picture to celebrate that life! Again thank you to all the family for sharing this most private time with us. I did not get to share Micki's life for a long time but she had a profound impact on me. She is in a much better place now, singing and free from pain. I will continue to pray for the family that in time your loss may be more bearable. Your friend in Christ, Stephanie.

Erik
Everybody here at the Fuel Cell meeting sends their warm wishes and support -- I'll have more when I get back Sunday. Micki is in our prayers. God speed.

dave

Dear Erik, Jody and Blake.....Thank you for sharing Micki's magical, mystical struggle and enlightenment with us. I am grateful for your courage and your trust and especially your generosity....When Micki and I walked together in Mexico we marvelled at the sweep of the land and the vastness of the sky, and as I look up there tonight I'm sure I see a new star which changes the sky forever....as she has so specially changed all those she touched....With much love to you all.

Dear Erik, Jody,and Blake,
My condolensces and love to you all.
Micki is one of my most favorite angels.
I feel so fortunate that our paths have crossed in this
life. I'm looking forward to meeting her in the next.
Erik, thank you for letting Dorothy and I pray with
you all that night. I truly admire such a wonderful family,
and miss seeing all of you in the dental office. I'm graduating from massage school next week. I will keep in touch. Love and prayers for your good health.
Maryanne Everett {from Dr. Winikor's office}

Dear Eric, Jodi, and Blake (and Micki listening in)
What to say when everyone has said it all. I always turn
to song, so of course I hum "on Eagles Wings" with Micki.
But this song of Gordon Bok says the words I will sing when I
I can get beyond the tears. (It's damn hard to sing when
you're choked up!)

If I could give you three things,
I would give you these,
Song and laughter and a wooden home
In the shining seas.

When you see old Isle au Haut
Rising in the dawn,
You will play in yellow fields
In the morning sun.

Sleep where the wind is warm
And the moon is high.
Give sadness to the stars,
Sorrow to the sky.

Do you hear what the sails are saying
In the wind's dark song?
Give sadness to the wind,
Blown alee and gone.

When you see old Isle au Haut
Rising in the dawn,
You will play in yellow fields
In the morning sun.

If I could give you three things...

Love you all - George. Now over to Jo

Dear Eric, Blake and Jody,
It has been a privlege to know Micki, and these will be sad times for so many family, extended family and friends. But it has also been a blessing to be able to follow you all and Micki over these last months. I am honored to have known such a fine and spirited woman and will remember Micki with joy for as long as I live (or as long as I have a working memory). What a job you all have done since Micki became ill. You are all in our prayers and hearts. Until Saturday, November 6 - Peace, Jo

Dear Erik, Jody and Blake (and, yes, Micki is listening in!). What a long journey the four of you have made together. I am in awe that you invited us all along for the duration. Never have I felt such positive thoughts flowing from such tragedy. You are all four truly a gift to the world. I will always particularly treasure being at the Camp with you this summer and hearing all of you sing On Eagles Wings at Daddy's memorial service. (I will get you a copy of the video I made.) I am trying to arrange to be in New Haven -- in bright clothes of course. All my love and that of Francoise and Sylvia. Steve.

Dear Esselstyns and Binghams All,

Kevin and I are thinking of you at this moment. Thank you for the warm, wonderful way you allowed us all to be part of the terrible, hard loss of Micki. You and she made the process a celebration both of her and of your whole family--an inspiration to us all. Thanks to all the special images of Mick which you provided us over the last months, we have a glowing vision of her to hold in our memories. A special gift in her going.

Much love, Eliza and Kevin

Dear Friends, It saddened me deeply to read of Mick's death in the Gainesville paper. I want each of you to know that she had a special place in my heart. She was my "soul mate" in the group we attended with Mary Sferre. I will always remember Micki's inquiring mind, generous nature, and quick smile. I pray for peace for each of you knowing what a legacy you share with the memories of Micke. Lovingly, Shirley

Erik
I am saddended to read about your loss and Micki's struggle. Although I did not know Micki from the writings in this guestbook it is clear that she was/is very loved and her passing away will be a great loss to many. My condolences
Jay Keller

I was sorry to hear the news about your loss. Although I was not privileged to know her as well as more immediate family was, I feel lucky to have experienced her glow. And I am so pleased that you did this website. I include below words on our website (http://pages.ivillage.com/pp/hbing/index.html) linking to yours:

"Micki Esselstyn's site: Micki died on October 27, 1999. We were moved by her strong spirit; it will remain with us through time. The site served as a conduit for love and strength while Micki struggled with her illness. May that love and strength continue for all acquainted."

Love to you all,
Gerry Bingham

Dear Erik and family,

Our hearts go out to you in the loss of your wife and mother. Micki was since an inspiration to so many people.

I know I will never hear "On Eagle's Wings" or see a picture of a soaring Eagle that I don't think of her.

Our prayers and thoughts are with you all. May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

With love and prayers,

Judy and John Medearis

Dear Erik,Jody and Blake,

You are, and will be, in my thoughts and prayers in the coming days and weeks, and especially through the holiday season. All of you, including Micki, have been heroic through this ordeal and I admire and respect you deeply for the way you have made the journey together, and shared your experience with all of us. And yet I know that there will be, there have to be sad and empty times in store. Know that the love and prayers of many people like me, who don't know you but feel that we know you very well, will be with you then too. God bless you all.

Oh Dear Ones,Micki will always be beautiful to us; her music, her smile, her spirit. And you, her loved ones...what wonderful sentinals you are. We are blessed to know you all. May the Light of God surround you and hold you. You are in our hearts. Linda & Bob

Dear Erik, Blake and Jody, My thouhts and prayers are with you, it seems impossible that Micki's journey on earth has ended, but we know that her glorious life will be celebrated by all who have been privileged to know her. I will be at the service in Gainesville, and will be sharing the service with the Board of the Florida UCC Women . Micki has been such a part of our activities since 1995. We will celebrate her ministry amonst us each time we sing "On Eagles Wings".

The following is a favorite of mine and I think it speaks of a spirit that Micki also possess.

Northwest Indian Memorial to Death (author unkown)

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am a diamond in the snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grass,
I am the autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of birds circling in flight.
I am the stars that shine at night,
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, i do not sleep.

Blessings to you all, Jeanette Campbell

Dear Erik, Blake and Jody, My thouhts and prayers are with you, it seems impossible that Micki's journey on earth has ended, but we know that her glorious life will be celebrated by all who have been privileged to know her. I will be at the service in Gainesville, and will be sharing the service with the Board of the Florida UCC Women . Micki has been such a part of our activities since 1995. We will celebrate her ministry amonst us each time we sing "On Eagles Wings".

The following is a favorite of mine and I think it speaks of a spirit that Micki also possess.

Northwest Indian Memorial to Death (author unkown)

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am a diamond in the snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grass,
I am the autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of birds circling in flight.
I am the stars that shine at night,
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, i do not sleep.

Blessings to you all, Jeanette Campbell

I can still Micki singing the "Irish Blessing". A beautiful voice is one thing, but when it is fueled by a beautiful spirit, the message is so much more powerful.

For two years Micki and I lived with only a thin Chapin House wall between our rooms at Smith. She is an extraordinary human being to be celebrated with awe and affection.

Thank you, Blake, for putting the website in place and thank you Erik, Jody, Blake AND Micki for sharing your journey to October 27th. Your labor of love and your magnificently generous sharing beams additional meaning and strength toward all of us who read your words of courage, struggle, laughter, confusion, joy, life, death, love, and humanity. May you each find equilibrium, peace and joy as you move forward.

Tomorrow morning choirs and congregations in many UCC churches will be booming forth "For all the Saints" or perhaps the delightful and sibilant-filled "I Sing a Song of the Saints of God". Surely some of us will hear a certain lovely voice floating with joy, strength, fervor and triumph over the throng. This one's for you, Micki! Thanks for being here for 56 great ones!

Dear Micki's family,
I cannot tell you how genuinely sorry I am that Micki has died. Micki and I were classmates at Rosemary Hall. She was a wonderful friend to me, and I regret that we did not stay more in touch after graduation. Micki had the most wonderful sense of humor - she could always make you laugh. Her kindness and cheerfulness made her popular with all her schoolmates. Micki had the integrity of character to have been an Optima Prize winner, a prestigious senior award, and I believe she should have been recognized with this award at graduation.

After reading MickiNews, it is clear Micki had a rich life, filled with tremendous family love and an abundance of devoted friends.

I will always regret that I unable to reach Micki before she died. She was a wonderful person and I know you'll miss her forever.

Margy McCornack Richardson

I meant to tell you in my message that no one in our class received the Optima Prize. Sometime before the vote, the headmistress stood before the student body and subtly convinced them into believing that no one in our class was worthy of this prize. Micki was !

Micki is one of the highlights for me of my 3 excursions to the Northfield Conference held at E. Northfield. I am a member of the Erie area conference but after moving to this area I attended 3 times. She shared with me for nearly 1/2 hour. I thought at the time she is one of the most special people I have met. At the Northfield League meeting held this weekend (Oct. 29-31) I learned of her death . There is nothing to add to what has been said.

Dear Erik, Blake and Jodi,
I want to add my tears, smiles, prayers and out-pourings of gratitude to all of you. I, like so many others, was profoundly touched by my knowing Micki. The photos of Micki and all of you have helped me feel connected to you as you've gone through these painful and joyful months, but the snapshots I carry in my heart will connect me to Micki always. I see her in costume, singing Sue Bingham's operetta in the Northfield Chapel, setting up whole wheat bread to be kneaded by each of us at our weekend gathering, disappearing for 20 minutes at 3pm for her afternoon meditation, glowing at her ordination, smiling love at us as we sang for her this summer at Northfield. Her warmth, crinkly smile, honesty, commitment to service, courage and love of singing with people have blessed and enriched my life. I know you will miss her terribly, and that she also will be with us all in so many ordinary little moments. With love for you all, BetsyTaylor

Dear Jody, Blake, and Erik, The last time we saw all of you was at Jeff and Jody's wedding, and I thought how remarkable it was that Micki led you all together in song, and it seemed, in our first acquaintance with her, that she might have a song for every part of daily life, calling out both meaning and joy for even the most routine of activities. We know that you have had sorrow in her death, and we hope your grief will ease. I know that we will learn more of Micki's rich spirit through Jody, and we look forward to the time when that may happen.

Erik - Wendy and I were so sad to hear about the loss of Micki. This news was related to us by Annie B Bingham. As you recall, we met you for the first time last year at the Farm when you were visiting Ann and Essy. From reading the beautiful E-mail tributes from others who knew her we certainly can appreciate her uniquenesses and talents.
Please know you are very much in our thoughts at this most difficult time. Our very best. Wendy and Bill Krag